morbidoptimism

There came a point in my life where I decided that nothing I was doing would really matter enough to change the world. This is not to say that I abandoned all my dreams, but I did decide to prioritize. 

My friends have a different sense of priorities than I do, I suppose; at around midnight, I was just about ready to explode with excitement at the mere thought of studying foreign policy for tomorrow’s today’s history test. However, around 12:15AM, I reflected upon my choice to lose sleep over studying. 

And that’s when a sense of realization hit me. I felt that, if at all I was going to lose any sleep, why should it be on the terms of a teacher who puts no energy into actually helping her students learn the material? We literally do nothing in class, her excuse being that we’ve “already learned this last year”.

So, in the spirit of learning things last year, I’m hoping that my somewhat good, somewhat scanty knowledge of World War II and the Cold War will have me covered. I’ll be taking that test in approximately 13 hours. 

I’ll still be losing sleep, but I’ll being doing it on my terms instead. Currently, I have traded in Cascada for Carrie Underwood and I’m just writing this for the sake of writing it. Blogging is fun, and probably more important to me than history. 

So today, I was talking to a friend during class, and she suddenly asked me, “Do you ever run out of things to say?” This was a not-so-subtle hint that she wants me to shut up, but I had to think about it. I wasn’t offended or anything by the question, because theoretically it isn’t offensive or anything, only subtly critical. But it makes you stop and think about the meaning of life. 

I know I’m talkative, but if you ask me, there really isn’t any such thing as talking too much. I mean, the world is a vast expanse of confusion, so there’s lots of stuff about which one can converse. Plus you can always repeat stuff. 

It is quite apparent that the world doesn’t agree with me, except perhaps the few who use the gift of verbal communication more frequently than I do. 

I constantly straddle the socially acceptable line between talkative and obnoxious, and I cross it at least once in a while. I don’t think I can help it, it’s genetically built in. For example, if I think of a good joke, or a bad one, I have to share it with people. Multiple times. So I end up cracking the same dumb joke at least ten times a day. 

On occasion I wonder if people hate me because they view me as this loud, loquacious loser. (While some call it “loud” or “obnoxious”, I prefer to use the term “effervescent”). 

I think my sense of humor is probably the root of my problems. A lot of stuff I say gets tinted by the whole sarcasm thing that just seems to flow naturally in my circulatory system. I’m pretty sure my red blood cells have sarcasm and lame puns in them, in addition to hemoglobin. And that tends to affect my mental functioning. 

Making people laugh is enjoyable for me, not gonna lie. I don’t keep track of how many people appreciate my sense of humor, because that’d be desperate and a waste of energy. I do exhibit some characteristics of a loser, but even I refuse to sink to that level of self-deprecation. 

Being a person whose genius often goes unappreciated, it is my deepest belief that even when somebody says something not at all funny, you should always laugh. I mean, if he’s trying to be funny, of course. If somebody tells you something about starvation or losing his job or whatever, it wouldn’t be that smart to laugh. 

The reason I think that one should always laugh at others’ jokes probably has roots in my forensics career. Whenever I performed, it would always bug the shit out of me when people didn’t smile/laugh at my jokes. Sometimes they did, which was okay. But people who stoneface everyone are just like ajfklas;jfkl. Like if I made the effort to stay awake for your performance and listen to your jokes, just do the same, right?

So the moral of the story is, if you are one of those jerks who tend to stare people down contemptuously when they make jokes, suck it up, stop being so damn arrogant and just pretend to be entertained, bitch. Is it that hard? 

The lessons you can take from my disjointed, incoherent 1AM rant are as follows, because I have to do all that thesis reminder shit now and bring this thing full circle.

-Do not waste too much of your time studying. Waste it on something more productive.

-I can’t help being obnoxious. Sorry!

-It is a universal human need to feel appreciated. Appreciate other people, no matter how lame they are. 

Oh god, all that analysis of my deepest thoughts is just killing me. So I’d like to end with a highly profound quote.

Nicki Minaj once said, “Starships were meant to fly.” I agree.